Having received the doctor’s directive to lose 20 pounds, I decided to join the local gym.

It’s a busy place attended mostly by folks like me attempting to improve rather than sustain.

I walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes, use the stationary bicycle for 10, lift weights for another 10, spend 15 minutes on a rowing machine, and finally take some time on the so-called leg press.

I watch another guy wearing one of those weightlifting belts on a similar device loaded with 14 steel plates, each weighing 45 pounds. It means he’s pressing a total of 630 pounds versus my 40.

I estimate he’s about a quarter my age, possesses twice my energy, and half my mass.

I decided he was a good subject to emulate, so I bought a weightlifting belt.

It cost $50.

I’m not sure what it’s supposed to do, but I like the way I look wearing it.

After several weeks of an intensive workout regimen, I gained 6 pounds.

It upheld my argument that, other than that investment in the weightlifting belt, gym attendance was pointless.

But my wife suggested the weight gain was a result of my diet, not exercise.

She insists I maintain the gym membership, but do something about my misguided consumption.

She suggests I cut out potatoes, pasta, pizza and pastries, substituting instead, a vegetarian regimen.

She says such a diet is guaranteed to prolong my life, but the question is would I prefer to live less with lasagna, or longer with legumes?

That lasagna my wife is famous for is prepared with thin sheets of homemade pasta dough boiled, then alternately layered with homemade tomato sauce, fresh ricotta, grated Parmesan cheese and bechamel sauce prepared by sauteing butter and flour with cream. Then, its baked until bubbly.

Her recommended diet not only means no lasagna, but no cake.

Or those meatballs she creates, the ones loaded with breadcrumbs and Parmesan, then browned, baked and bathed in marinara.

She says I’d need to forgo the pasta, cake and meatballs, suggesting instead a fat-, sugar-, starch-, meat- and taste-free diet.

Homemade ravioli. (Irv Erdos / For The San Diego Union-Tribune)

So broccoli in lieu of beef, carrots, not carrot cake, peas versus pasta, and kale instead of cannoli.

Pursue such a sacrifice with Thanksgiving four short weeks away? It would mean no turkey, no stuffing, no mashed potatoes and no gravy.

And no lasagna or homemade ravioli, those first courses my wife skillfully prepares.

Or it might be gnocchi, homemade dumplings made with flour, eggs, grated Parmesan cheese and cooked potatoes, then each deftly rolled off a fork as theyre simultaneously appended with both a delightful design and a diminutive dimple.

Homemade gnocchi. (Irv Erdos / For The San Diego Union-Tribune)

Or she may make that amazing dish she learned from cookbook author Marcella Hazan called Il rotolo di pasta. Homemade dough rolled and flattened into thin sheets then alternately spread with ricotta, spinach and grated cheese, rolled into log shapes, boiled, sliced and layered with tomato sauce and bechamel.

Those pasta dishes are a sample of the treasures I’m asked to sacrifice in exchange for an extended life.

Longevity or lasagna?

It’s an option I’m weighing.

Erdos is a freelance humor columnist. Contact him at irverdos@aol.com.